You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
