i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
