Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
