Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
