They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
