it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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