What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
