Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
