I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
