Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
