you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
