i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
