yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
