You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
