need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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