Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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