She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
