I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
