i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
