My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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