I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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