we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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