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i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
