I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
