toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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