i don't like sucking hair
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
