I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
