You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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