her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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