I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
