her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
