i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
