Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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