Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
