i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
