I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
