Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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