So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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