apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
