Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
