Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
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