Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
