I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
