YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
