i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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