Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
