I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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