i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so let's talk penis.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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