I look better un-naked...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
