I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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