You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
