btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
