Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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