i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
