u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
