I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
