i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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