Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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