I love black thongs
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
