Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
