i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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