HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
