he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my shit smells like andre
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
