Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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