Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
